So this was supposed to be a much longer post that took me a while to edit down to something more “inspiring” before I realized how full of itself it sounded that it forced me to re-evaluate what I’m even doing with this site. Considering that I’ve been saying “Hey guys I’m writing something expect it to come out soon” nearly every other stream for the last couple months now, I had to put something out before I say it one more time on another stream and go completely and utterly… well, see the first part of my handle.

I still wanna have something worthwhile that actually communicates the point I wanted to say without sounding like it’s about to disappear up its own ass & to actually publish a goddamn thing on this site after a year of nothing, so I’m gonna do what I should’ve done earlier and reach for God’s reset button.

Or if you’re penally minded: a crime.

heheh. penally minded.

I don’t wanna dwell too much on why I left for as long as I did, only that it took as long as it did to get back to this part of my gig as BallisticToaster between revamping the blog multiple times over, porting posts over, & trying to decide on what to write next because I wanted to make sure I was able to return on the best foot possible.

Turns out that was a huge mistake. The more time you spend lining everything up to be “just right”, the less you’ll actually accomplish. You lose sight of what you’re supposed to be doing and with it, something you’ll never get back: Time.

It’s easy to get stuck in the ideation phase because the idea in your head is amazing and everyone loves it. In execution, it sucks. Execution forces you to look at the rust that’s built up over the years, to confront how out of practice you are, & to accept how much work it’s gonna take to get back to where you think you should be. I would know; that’s at least 90% of the reason why this blog hasn’t been updated for so long beyond things like a new web framework & a night mode.

It’s amazing the epiphanies you arrive at after a six month-long streaming hiatus, a year of kicking this blog further down the road, several weeks worth of pondering sessions near several suspiciously orb shaped objects, hours of gruelling meditation (read: Balatro runs), and more quarters than I care to admit being fed into the fortune teller machine in the amusement park, because it turns out that “just right” means literally fuck all and the bar is so deep in Hell that Satan trips over it on the way to his chardonnay.

Putting something out there puts us far ahead of a lot of other people even if it’s our “worst”, and with enough time & practice, that’s exactly what our “best” will look like with the benefit of experience and hindsight. Besides, “worst” beats “doing literally sweet fuck all” any day of the week.

I’m still gonna do state of the stream style posts like This Week at the Breadbox but I wanna start getting into writing about games I’ve played on or off stream, even movies, books, or projects I’m working on or musings I have on things that I don’t have the room to fit into a stream so I can do more research to make sure I’m able to do justice to a topic I’m interested in. After all, what good’s a writer who doesn’t write AND read?

All this to say:

We’re so fucking back.

…and now that I think about it, I don’t think that was a fortune teller in that machine.

This ends with me questioning my financial decisions.

-BallisticToaster

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